ABUSE

WHAT IS ABUSE?

The term “Abuse” refers to a pattern of behaviours within a relationship that are used to gain or keep power over another individual. Abuse can take many different forms - childhood abuse, domestic abuse, or sexual abuse being the three categories most recognised. The psychological injury experienced by people is mostly caused by a prolonged exposure to a damaging experience or situation.

Domestic Abuse can be physical, emotional, sexual, or psychological. Abusive behaviour is typically meant to scare, physically harm or control a person. Common behaviours of general domestic abuse include name calling, threatening, manipulation, humiliation, blaming and similar violations. They may also see the aggressor attempting to isolate an individual from others or monitoring the individual’s behaviour.

Sexual abuse is a term used to describe any type of non-consensual sexual violence, including sexual assault or rape, child sexual abuse, and intimate partner sexual violence. Sexual violence can have deep long-term psychological effects on a survivor. Sometimes the effects are so deep that the victim cannot even see or recognise them - they just behave differently physically and emotionally.

Childhood abuse and trauma is often difficult to pinpoint, if only because as a child we are unaware of the boundaries we grow to naturally understand as an adult. We may survive our early environment and grow into adulthood as if nothing has happened. We can hold a career, get married, have our own children etc. and look completely normal from the outside, but on the inside there are destructive thoughts, unhappiness and depression. We might not even consciously be aware of these thoughts, as we have become stuck on a self-limiting auto-pilot.

SYMPTOMS

Survivors of all abuse will commonly feel a range of emotions, including shame, fear and guilt and they may develop symptoms of depression, PTSD, addiction or anxiety. You are not alone if you have had any of these and/or some of following experiences as an adult survivor of abuse:

·       Intrusive memories at unexpected times

·       Ruminations about what happened and the inability to “let it go”

·       Difficulty trusting

·       Underlying feeling of anger

·       Feelings of shame or guilt about what happened to you

·       Mood swings

·       Feeling overwhelmed with emotions at times, wanting to run away or fight back

·       Feeling detached from yourself

CAN COUNSELLING THERAPY HELP?

Yes. Abuse can be hugely traumatic and dehumanizing, but it can also be very subtle and almost undetectable. Many of the adaptations we make to cope with any form of abuse are often outside our own awareness. Counselling works to uncover this. It gives you the opportunity to work through your trauma and repair the damage you have suffered, often unlearning coping mechanisms that have kept you afloat for many years.

Clients generally find it a huge relief to be able to share in confidence the negative feelings they have been holding on to – often for years  - often in secret.  In a safe and calm environment, we can explore the way you see things and together re-frame your understanding of yourself and your reactions. The goal is for you to understand and appreciate yourself – your actions and your reactions -  in a different and more constructive way. For me it is a privilege to be able to support and watch this process develop, as people finally move away from being the victim and find a new, truer version of who they are.